Therapist Jessie Shepherd shared what she has seen in her own clients when they push their kids too hard. She offers some helpful parenting tips to combat the problem.
Why do we push our kids?
• High emphasis on milestones: Milestones are good in that we can detect an issue early, but bad in that we feel that our kids need to be perfectly on time.
• Our own insecurities playing out: Were you bad at sports or had a hard time socially? Sometimes we let our own insecurities drive our parenting.
Consequences of pushing our kids too hard:
• Increases Stress for EVERYONE in the family: Kids get stressed when they feel bombarded with requirements and parents get stressed when they feel they need to control their kid's actions completely.
• Damages Relationships: Your child may feel that all you do is nag them. You should have a 4 positive to 1 negative ratio of interactions in your home.
• Creates Insecurities: If kids start to feel like they are not good enough or are doing poor at something, this can set up core insecurities that they will fight all their life. Childhood is about learning.
How to support not push:
• We want them to fail so that they can learn to correct mistakes. Natural consequences are the key here.
• Ask them why: We need to be more inquisitive about why they don`t want to do something and how we can help.
• Calm your fears: every child develops differently and most will hit average milestones at some point. Your child's success in life does not completely fringe on childhood activities or achievements.
To see more advice and resources from Jessie visit blueclovertherapy.com