Va. teen kicked out of prom; photo shows dress met length requirement

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CHESTERFIELD COUNTY, Va. -- A teenager from Virginia said she was kicked out of a senior prom for homeschoolers because chaperones thought her dress was too short and her dancing too provocative, WTVR-TV reports.

Clare, whose last name wasn't listed in the report, said the only dress code on the registration form was that dresses needed to pass the fingertip test. That means the dress hem can't be above her fingertips when her arms are relaxed to the side.

A photo on a blog post Clare wrote [graphic language warning] shows her dress did meet that requirement.

Clare said she was approached by a prom organizer almost as soon as she arrived and was told "honey, that dress is too short."

Clare also said a prom organizer, who she identified as "Mrs. D," told her some of the fathers who were chaperoning the prom had complained her "dancing was too provocative" and that it was going to "cause the young men at the prom to think impure thoughts."

"At this point I said to her that I hadn’t been dancing at all! Much less seductively, and that even if I had been being inappropriate, they should issue a warning instead of just kicking me out," Clare wrote. "I’m not responsible for some perverted 45 year old dad lusting after me because I have a sparkly dress on."

WTVR attempted to contact the prom organizers but did not receive a response.

Read more from WTVR. >>

Video:

Photos:

 

39 comments

    • Nathan

      She is clearly bending her elbow to make the dress appear to extend beyond her fingertips. The dress does not meet code.

  • Trish Ramirez

    Ridiculous.

    What is this, Saudi Arabia?

    Let the boys be responsible for their own thoughts and actions.

    This girl was within dress code.

    Dancing can be provocative.

    This is one more example of thumpers blaming girls for the actions of boys.

    Hey boys – CONTROL YOURSELVES.

    If boys can’t control themselves around a pretty girl, THEY need to be the ones asked to leave the dance, not the other way around.

    • Nathan

      The dress did not meet code. She is clearly bending her elbow to make it appear as if it does. She violated the code and is manipulating the procedure to look like she is a victim of something beyond her own poor choices.

  • Susan Hess Cordova

    Once again the female is being held accountable for the males thoughts and actions. Women cannot control what men think, By putting this on the girl, they are in essences telling the boys that it is not their fault if they act on their impulses, she asked for it. Make the males of this country learn how to control themselves and stop blaming the females for bad behavior.

    • Bob

      To the contrary, Susan, girls can control what boys think of them. Probably why the decent boys steer clear of girls who dress immodestly, and why indecent boys are attracted to them like a moth to the flame.

      • Cindy Anderson LaFay

        Bob, if a man can’t control himself then he has no right being in the a place like this. This is the reason the Country has got so out of control because it’s always someone else’s fault. As a free nation I have the right to wear a slinky outfit anywhere I want (I wouldn’t) and if the men around me can’t control themselves it is still their fault for their actions not mine!

  • Tracy Ramiez

    I have decided to send you a note regarding Clare’s prom. I wanted to tell you that I helped plan the decorations for it, and therefore, became quite close with the two women director’s during the process. I also was blessed to get to know their families.

    I found out right after Clare left the prom that there had been a problem. The director said that a woman, not man, had seen Clare behaving inappropriately during a dance. Security from the balcony (a man) was contacted to come and ask her to step outside.

    From what I gathered that night, Clare would not allow anyone else to speak. She became extremely argumentative and belligerent. Although they had ongoing concerns about Clare’s dress, her behavior in the hall became the reason she was finally asked to leave.

    Once Clare’s statements were posted in a blog, unknown people began writing on the Richmond Prom Homeschool Facebook page calling the fathers helping in security, perverts, pedophiles, etc. Ultimately, the directors had to close down the Facebook page.

    I remember the director being genuinely disappointed that even one student had to be confronted. There were over 500 students there who didn’t have any problems. Both local and national media have now contacted the head director repeatedly. Her husband was part of security and has now been labeled as a pedophile.

    I am deeply saddened for the wonderful husbands who were called perverts, pedophiles, fundamentalists, and other terms.

    But most of all, I am sad for the two women in charge–caring football moms–who took over the prom this year to help raise money for the Disciple’s Football team.

    • Trish Ramirez

      Boo hoo, Tracy Ramiez.

      You people could have avoided all of this had you simply left well enough alone, allowed a teenaged girl who was dressed in accordance with guidelines to enjoy her prom, and not behaved like a bunch of prudes.

      If anyone (man or woman) told this girl to moderate her behavior or dress to prevent males from getting ‘impure thoughts’ they were totally and completely out of line.

      The males in question need to be responsible for their OWN thoughts, if they were offended by her ‘suggestive’ dancing, they needed only to avert their eyes rather than cause a scene.

      This girl is under no obligation to moderate her behavior because the males at the dance were uncomfortable. That is THEIR problem. And the fact that you are continuing to feel bad for the men in question rather than recognizing that this girl was treated in a ridiculously misogynistic and unacceptable manner means that YOU are part of the problem. So are the ‘football moms’ more concerned about their efforts and their poor little impressionable boys than the fact that this girl was called out and humiliated publicly because some middle-aged prude was offended about how she looked in her dress or how she danced.

      Ridiculous.

      • hollyg321

        So you don’t think that parents or school staff have a duty to teach and enforce appropriate behavior? If your son went to a pool party wearing a barely there speedo and did some trashy dancing and gestures while all of your relatives and in-laws watched, you would not be embarrassed or have to witness people feeling uncomfortable? Would you want young children to watch such behavior? Why are some of you so against teaching teens the limits of acceptable behavior in public?

      • Trish Ramirez

        The dress conformed to the dress code.

        The girl danced.

        She was asked to leave because some people found her dancing ‘suggestive’ something that is HIGHLY subjective, and a ridiculous reason to be asked to LEAVE your prom. Maybe tapped on the shoulder and be told to tone it down a little, but to be kicked out?

        She followed the ‘rules’ – some prude thought she looked a little too rique and overreacted.

        Then, to add insult to injury, the REASON she was given was that she was somehow responsible for the impure thoughts of the boys in attendance, as though they were incapable of controlling themselves, and as though if they WERE incapable of controlling themselves, it was somehow her problem.

        If the boys couldn’t control themselves, let THEM be asked to leave.

        The whole idea that girls should have to comport themselves in a certain way in order for boys to think and behave civilly is a cornerstone of what is wrong with our society.

        The boys need to be responsible for themselves.

        As for Bob’s little words of wisdom and allusions to ‘certain girls’ he needs to pull his head out of the 1950’s.

        Anyone willing to judge someone’s character and personality based upon their hem line is too shallow to reason with.

        Clothes are just clothes, and the superficial ideals that some people pass down to their offspring are the reason that this country is going to garbage.

        Let’s worry about stuff that is truly important rather than wasting time and energy shaming girls about their prom dresses.

      • Bob

        The question isn’t whether or not the boys can control themselves Trish. They can. The question is what kind of image do girls signal with their attire?

        The trashing girls can never quite figure out why all the boys in their lives cheat on them.

    • Cindy Anderson LaFay

      Even a hooker dresses in clothes that cover well, but that doesn’t make her a good girl! Don’t judge a book by its cover!!!!! You know nothing of this young lady so how do you know she’s not a good girl?

      • Bob

        I’m not referring to this specific girl Cindy. In general a discerning man can accurately judge a book by it’s cover. Yes, there are acceptions, but in general you can easily identify those who are easy and those aren’t. You can see it in their behavior, their dress, and their speech.

    • Tracy Reed

      That girl could have went to that dance with clothing from neck to get and there would have been something said.. ppl these days see haters and always at someone else’s expense. Men and boys are pigs and are going to always be pigs. Lady’s and girls are going to always be jealous of anyone smaller, blond, younger ect. It it’s what it is and everyone should know that by now.. Sad world all this over a dress does anyone care how the dance went?

  • Richard

    they worry about their sons thoughts, appears that they had the same thoughts. there are many dress codes worrying about dress length, but they don’t seem concerned with “yoga” pants they can be more suggestive than a short skirt. A boy’s mind will think about that stuff no matter what a woman wears. Worry more about teaching them about controlling those thoughts and actions. You can’t be around all the time.

    • hollyg321

      As the mother of a girl and a teacher who has seen these styles, I am very concerned. There is no reason why we can’t expect and demand our girls to dress more appropriately. There is no reason for everyone to be able to see the outline of a girl’s private area because they choose to wear things like yoga pants and it can be an extra risk factor to get unwanted attention or possibly worse. Just like you would teach your child not to flash money in a city with a high crime rate to avoid an extra risk of being the victim of theft, they should not be wearing clothing that leaves nothing to the imagination and gets unwanted attention from who knows what type of men who are in public and are not blind.

  • Rob in NYC

    The more I read about this story on various sites the more obvious it is that this is about ego and pride. Mrs. D. just couldn’t stand the fact that a young girl was talking back to her and not bowing to her wishes. Had Clare been drinking or fighting or acting unruly I could understand Mrs. D. ruling with an iron fist. But she let her pride get in the way and drive her actions. Even the refund issue could have been handled diplomatically. But once Mrs. D. crossed the line there was no going back. Her ego wouldn’t allow her to compromise. Wrong person in the wrong position.

    I do believe Clare is right to make a big issue out of this. I doubt Mrs. D. would have treated a boy the way she treated Clare. This is really about how women are treated and judged and disrespected. Very old-fashioned and puritanical perspective in this case. What if Mrs. D. had said, “You look lovely in that dress.” Would have changed the whole outcome of the night. It was a high school prom for goodness sake. Dress-up night for all involved, especially women.

    As for Clare and her friends swearing at the “adults” after they left, they admitted they did that and that they “shouldn’t have reacted so immaturely”. Perhaps if Mrs. D. would do the same and if her organization would reach out to the students they would help teach these kids how to swallow their pride and work out an appropriate solution rather than brick-wall it all the way to the national news media!

  • Holly 123

    Several girls who were at that prom wrote in a blog that she was thrown out for dancing very inappropriately. Journalists should get the other side of the story and other witnesses, such as classmates who are not friends of the girl, to find out if it’s even true before publishing it. This girl needs to learn how to act appropriately in public. She’ll get in trouble for sexual harassment if she acts like she did at the prom somewhere else. Common sense should tell readers that she obviously wasn’t thrown out for the dress because if she was she wouldn’t have even gotten into the prom. People and publishers should use some common sense and stop making it harder for people responsible for raising and caring for children to teach and demand appropriate behavior. Too much attention and credibility is given to these immature teens who act disgusting and sneaky to get their way or get retaliation now and will have it stay with them throughout life as they get a job and meet new people.

  • MJ Brewer

    Sure, it’s long enough when she’s standing still, but the fabric is a stretchy and clingy. If she walks it will climb her thigh and she should have thought of this while she was choosing her dress. As far as the seductive movements, it isn’t her prom, it’s the school’s so they can state any rules they want.

    If she had that dress on and was break dancing, would that have been allowed? No, probably not, and that isn’t necessarily provocative. The point remains that the school owns the prom and the school makes the rules. If she cannot abide by the rules, she needs to go to a club instead.

  • Bob

    Cindy Anderson LaFay says “Bob, if a man can’t control himself then he has no right being in the a place like this”. This has nothing to do with a man controlling himself. He can. It has to do with the respect a girl earns, or the reputation she has.

    To her face the boys call her Lisa. Behind her back they laugh and refer to her as Loose Lisa. True story ladies,.

    • Trish Ramirez

      Is this how you raise your boys to behave in your perfect, two-parent xian home, Bob?

      To judge girls by the length of their dresses and to make up cruel names to taunt and tease them into submission of your belief system?

      Because it would be way too difficult to teach our sons that women don’t exist solely for their amusement and procreation, and that a woman who takes pride in the beauty of her body and chooses to display it isn’t necessarily going to give it away?

      Men go to they gym, they walk around topless in shorts showing off their bodies to impress women with their muscles and their strength and it’s socially acceptable – but if a woman shows off her thighs or shoulders, she’s labeled ‘loose.’

      The problem here is the double standard, which will never change as long as fossils like Bob are rearing children and warping their minds.

      • Bob

        No, Trish, not in my home. The construction crew on an atomic reactor project near Mud Lake in Idaho used that term about a girl named Lisa that they all knew in the biblical sense. Men of low character in the military, fire departments, and police departments laugh about the girls they get to know. The game they play is: You introduce me to your lady friend, and I’ll trader her for your lady friend when she starts getting serious. They have zero respect for the women they take home.

        The decent men, on the other hand, select similar minded women. It’s a self respect thing that low class boys and girls don’t understand, and will never have.

      • Trish Ramirez

        But Bob, the issues you are describing with your men are THEIR problem, not the problem of the women they are ‘taking home.’ Indeed, in many instances, men will talk that way about women they don’t take home at all.

        How is that possibly the fault of the women in question, or their choice of attire?

        A man who is respectful of women is going to respect women regardless of what they are wearing, and a man who doesn’t respect women isn’t going to respect a woman any more no matter how she chooses to dress.

        How a man feels about and chooses to treat women in general and individual women in particular is all on him, it has to do with his upbringing and his own psyche.

        You can’t blame women for the way they are treated or mistreated by men.

        (You can blame them for choosing the guy that cheats on them, but that’s another story altogether…)

  • rgarnett84720

    The picture proves nothing. Back in my high school days, a girls dress had to hit her knees, or the floor when she knelt on her knees. Some girls would leave home with the approate length dress, stop in the restroom, and pin the hem up, and when she was sent to the office, she would stop by the restroom and unpin her hem.

    • Trish Ramirez

      Ah, so she’s a liar as well as a tramp?

      The length of that skirt as shown barely meets dress code – if she’d pinned up the hem to shorten it, she never would have been allowed into the dance in the first place.

      This is a case of adults in a situation – both men and women – bullying a teenaged girl and shaming her in public because they could.

      It was handled poorly, regardless of the length of her dress or how she danced.

      • Bob

        Decent boys and men appreciate girls who dress modestly. The decent boys seek out decent girls with the same mind set. Sadly, a growing percentage of boys are like my neighbor’s dog. Just happy to find a willing mate for a quck fling.

        You can’t explain morality to a cocker spaniel or to people who don’t understand the concept.

      • Trish Ramirez

        Bob, those same ‘decent’ boys you are referring to are the ones that father the children that end up being adopted out by LDS Family Services. You call the boys decent for MARRYING decent girls, not taking into consideration all of the stuff that they do with the girls they don’t decide to marry.

        Even ‘indecent’ girls can’t get themselves pregnant.

        You place all of the responsibility for what you consider to be decency on the shoulders of the girl. Your insinuation is that if a girl dresses like that, a guy’s going to take what he’s going to take and she gets what she deserves and the guy in question can go home to his wife and perfect family later.

        You sound like the king of ‘but she led him on.’

        You need to start teaching boys to be responsible for themselves and taking responsibility, too.

      • Bob

        No, Trish, I don’t believe in the double standard. Decent boys seek out decent girls to date, and trashy girls attract trashy boys. It is a fairly simple concept. Why some people can’t comprehend it is beyond me.

  • Bob

    Young people of both sexes who sleep around miss out on the future benefits that are awarded to those who are chaste and clean. Those individuals enjoy the long lasting benefits that can only come to monogamous couples who can trust each other totally.

    • Trish Ramirez

      You sound so smug and sanctimonious, Bob.

      What benefits are you referring to, here?

      The joys of wholly open and trusting adult relations or the joys of magic handshakes at the local Freemason Lodge (I mean mormon temple)?

      The benefits of being gods themselves one day?

      The benefits of being like YOU?

      (I can post a link to a video of the handshake benefits for those who feel like they are missing out…)

      • Bob

        I’m still with my first and only wife after 44 years. i’ve experienced the benefits I’ve described, and I’ve observed the unhappiness and fouled up lives of those who confused short term intertainment with long term happiness.

        i can understand why those who have missed the boat enjoying making fun of those who had the foresight to listen when their mothers explained the basic concepts of morality.

  • Scott

    The boys have been having the thoughts long before this dance. It is the Dads that are having the as they put it “impure thoughts”. They just wish they were 17 again!

  • Observant

    Her boyfriend is black. It’s not just sexism, it’s racism. Can’t have our white hot daughters dating black men.

    • Bob

      Nothing in the story backs up your bigoted comment Observant. Why your need to throw in a red herring?

Comments are closed.