As a relationship coach and couples therapist, Laura Heck has been researching habit building techniques to help couples make swift and lasting changes to their love life. Laura Heck personally tested out her technique of 'gamifying' her love life before prescribing couples to do so in their relationship.
In her experiment, Laura took a common complaint that she hears couples report: 'Our love life is boring.' 'We just don`t have passion.' 'I don`t desire sex with my partner.' 'We haven`t been intimate in over six months.' You name it, she's heard it, and so began her quest to bring the spark back into the bedroom. In the information below Laura explains why couples complain about an unsatisfactory love life and how to change that.
Why Couples Complain of a Lackluster Love Life
- Low Priority: At the end of the day when the house is quiet and free of screaming kids or loads of laundry, many couples are flipping on the television, retreating to the bathtub alone or losing themselves in an endless stream of social media updates. News flash, these activities will not spice up your sex life.
- Lack of Creativity: Remember the days of bras hanging from the chandelier and road trips where you couldn`t keep your hands off each other. HA! I get it, those days are a far cry from the current state of affairs in the bedroom. But it doesn't have to be that way. Did you know that 60% of people eat the same seven meals every week? You are a creature of habit in the kitchen and the bedroom. Many explain that their lack of exploration and novelty is because they just know what they like and there is no reason to veer away from old faithful. Let me ask you this...do you really like it so much that you are unwilling to try something new, fun, exciting?
- Sex isn`t enjoyable: Strangely enough, many couples indicate that sex is only gratifying for one person in the relationship. Somewhere along the way, one person`s needs were getting met at the expense or sacrificing of the other person`s desires and that is how it has stayed, for a long time. Not every encounter you have is going to be mutually beneficial. Sometimes you take turns exploring each other`s fantasies. The point is that you take turns.
7 Day Challenge for Lovers
To begin this challenge, you need the participation of your partner. Second, you will need some serious creativity and a positive attitude. There is a planning phase and a playing phase. Grab two pens and two pieces of paper. The planning phase should take you less than 30 minutes so you can get straight to the playing phase.
Before you begin, you want to make sure that each of you is in the right mindset. It helps if you have zero distractions (television, kids, cell phones). It's also recommended to do the planning phase in a private, comfortable setting. Set the mood..some candles, Marvin Gaye streaming on your Amazon Eco.
Step 1: Individually make a list of ways that you can be intimate, romantic, and turn toward your partner instead of the dog or the dishes. These may be things you have done in the past, did last night or have only dreamed of doing. Do a true brain dump, not dismissing anything that comes to mind. Just write it down. You will want these romantic and intimate gestures to range from mild to spicy, so turn on your creative juices.
- Here are just a few suggestions to get you started. It's recommended to add them to your list.
- Give a full body massage, buy and model lingerie, create and play a sexy-time playlist of music, cook a candlelit dinner, share personal fantasies, call in sick and spend the day in bed together...
Step 2: Read your ideas aloud to your partner. If anything else comes to mind, write it down.
Step 3: Together, rate each item on a scale of 1-5 points. 1 point for mild romantic gestures. 5 points for grand or adventurous romantic gestures.
Now that you have a master list of romantic gestures ranging from 1-5 points, you can begin the challenge.
For the next seven days, you must total a minimum of 15 points by the end of the week. You must tally at least one point every day.
* If you choose to do week two of the challenge, your minimum point tally increases to 20 points by the end of the seven days.
Everyone`s list will be different and certainly, some will be more adventurous than others. Laura's hope for all couples who participate in this 7-day challenge is that you feel challenged. The only time you`re actually growing is when you feel uncomfortable. Discomfort comes when you try something new, feel outside your comfort zone and take risks. Her hypothesis is that anyone who seeks to accomplish the items on their list that are rated as a 5 will walk away from this challenge with a twinkle in their eye and an extra pep in their step.
For those who feel comfortable sharing their experience, Laura encourages you to write to her and let her know what worked and what didn`t work. How was your experience and what did you learn? She would love to connect with you personally.
You can contact Laura at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/laurahecktherapy/